And, since I am in writing mode again, I'm going to go ahead and write about a topic that I've been wanting to touch on for weeks but haven't gotten around to. Don't worry, no more serious stuff for this week. I think Sunday's post exceeded my annual legal limit of sappiness, so I'll keep this one light.
As most of you know, CrossFit is growing rapidly in popularity worldwide. It has gone from a relatively unknown sport for the fittest of the fit, to a wide-spread fitness phenomenon accessible to anyone with the desire (and the balls) to try it. CrossFit boxes are popping up all over the place. The increase in numbers of affiliates, participants, and Open competitors in 2012/2013 as compared to previous years are pretty staggering:
From Tabata Times
From the CrossFit Games Facebook page
As with anything else that goes from fairly obscure to relatively mainstream in a short period of time, CrossFit has generated a lot of buzz. It's all over the media. ESPN airs the Games reruns fairly regularly. And the internet has been inundated with more CrossFit talk than anyone could possibly have the time or desire to read. Even a die-hard like myself.
Some of the stuff out there is positive, informative, and accurate. However, for whatever reason, CrossFit seems to be extremely polarizing. And for every one of us who have been "drinking the Kool Aid," it seems there are plenty of people out there who are chugging the HATERADE. Yep... for reasons I can't quite understand, there seem to be an abundance of people out there with an unexplainable and vehement hatred for the sport, the lifestyle, and, apparently, everyone who participates in it. And unfortunately, bad press always seems to speak louder than positive press.
The result? A billion anti-CrossFit rants making their way around the World Wide Web, making people who don't know any better think that we are all a bunch of 'roided-up freaks who eat raw dinosaur meat for breakfast and sacrifice chubby virgins at our cult gatherings.
There have been some pretty memorable ones floating around lately. (The Uncle Rhabdo diatribe was a personal favorite of mine.) Some of them at least make an effort to be legit, citing medical terminology and interviewing doctors and physical therapists who feel that CrossFit does more harm than good. And while I don't agree with most of the information or the rationales behind it, I have to at least give them credit for keeping it semi-professional. Some of them are nothing more than rants, based solely on opinion... but some are at least well-written. But the one that finally drove me to commentary is the magnificently ridiculous piece of garbage that I'm about to share with you... which is neither legit OR well-written. And I just can't help myself. It's too easy.
I'll be quoting the original piece throughout my response, but if you want to read the full column in all of it's absurd and obnoxious glory, you can do so HERE. Evidently it has been around for awhile, but I only had the good fortune of reading it recently. (Thank you Danielle Ripper for sharing this gem!)
In case you don't feel like wasting time and brain cells on these shenanigans, I'll give you a quick summary. This gentleman, who pretty much admits to being a sexist alcoholic frat boy (not in so many words, but the sentiment is there), appears to have tried CrossFit for a period of time in 2011 and hated it, and now has come up with 10 reasons why CrossFit is the worst thing on earth and everyone should stop doing it. Each "reason" is highlighted with a ridiculous photograph and an explanation of why CrossFit and CrossFitters suck.
My first response to this piece of "writing" was to laugh. Not because of witty writing style or clever wording, but because this guy is so incredibly douchey that you really can't help but laugh at him. My second reaction was an immediate need to point out exactly how laughable this nonsense really is. So, I'm going to do just that. In underlined font, you will find all of the reasons why Sexist Alcoholic Frat Boy (henceforth to be referred to as SAFB) thinks that CrossFit is the devil. In italics, you will find a directly quoted explanation for each reason, straight from SAFB's column. And in bold, you will find my rebuttal. Enjoy.
The title: #STOPCROSSFIT.
Clever, no?
The author goes on to describe how, in a post-college effort to get in shape, he allowed a coworker to talk him into joining a CrossFit box. He then explains that it was the worst experience of his life, that he was lucky if he used one of his prepaid three weekly sessions because it made him so miserable, and that he has determined that CrossFit is a cult. (How refreshing. We've never heard that analogy before!) He then goes on to list "10 terrible things about CrossFit and everything that goes with the cultural phenomenon."
SAFB hates the following things about CrossFit and CrossFitters:
1) "People who post Facebook statuses about CrossFit."
"Facebook asks, “What’s on your mind?” Facebook does not ask, “How was CrossFit today, you yolked badass?” Nobody gives a single fuck that you completed the WOD (workout of the day) in 3 minutes and 34 seconds, or that you finished in sixth place out of the fifteen people in your class. Stop uploading videos of yourself executing the perfect hang clean, or photos of you in the pushup position. You’re scaring us."
My response: Guilty as charged.
Yep, I've been known to post a big PR or especially tough WOD on Facebook. And yep, I know that a solid 90% of the people on my friends list do not, as you so eloquently stated, "give a single fuck" about what I did at the box today.
I also know that I'm not particularly interested in looking at the 75 selfies someone posted from their bathroom last night, or how many beverages you pounded over the weekend, or constant laments about fantasy football failures, or absurd political rants, or play-by-play status updates about the potty training process of my friends' children. But I certainly do not berate anyone for it. I simply choose to ignore it. Freedom of expression, sir. Just as you have every right to post your biased, uneducated anti-CrossFit rant on the internet for all to see, I have every right to share my accomplishments with a limited audience on Facebook. Deal with it.
And, by the way... the fact that I can probably back squat more than you can does not make me "scary". It makes me awesome. Which brings me to #2...
2) "Getting destroyed by girls."
The whole thing is set up as a unisexual even playing field. You’ll be powering through 150-pound thruster reps while one of those little girls next to you is doing nothing but the bar and absolutely wrecking your workout time. Either that, or the chick working out next to you will be a freak beast who warms up with more weight than you can lift, which is totally emasculating.
Speaking of which, ladies, CrossFit will not make you sexy. It will make you frightening."
Oh, my. Where do I even begin?
First of all... the fact that you would think, much less admit to thinking, a phrase like "destroy these little girls and show them how big my dick is"... implies that your dick is not, in fact, very big at all. And I'm sorry if it shrinks an inch every time you get out-lifted, out-run, or out-performed by (gasp!) a CHICK. But the fact of the matter is, there are some pretty badass girls out there. Badass girls who do not share in your self-admittedly crappy attitude and non-existent work ethic. And it doesn't surprise me one bit that they kicked your ass in all of the WODs you attempted.
Secondly, the "unisexual even playing field" that you lament doesn't bother real CrossFitters. Because, as a general rule, sexist pigs who feel the need to out-lift a chick in order to validate their manhood, don't make it very long in this sport.
Thirdly... please show me the WOD where RX thrusters are 150lb for men and 45lb for women. I'm very curious where you obtained this data.
Fourthly... I'm sorry that you find CrossFit girls to be "emasculating" and "frightening." Not because I give half a crap what you think, but because you echo a sentiment that has been plaguing our country for years, and that I thought we were finally getting past: the idea that strong women can't be beautiful. That muscles are "scary". What a sad commentary on our country (and people like you) that unhealthy and emaciated is perceived as beautiful, when strong and healthy and athletic is considered less attractive. Garbage. You know what I think is beautiful? Confidence. And I think you'll find that the average scary-muscle-rocking CrossFitter has a lot more confidence than the poor girl who is starving herself in an attempt to obtain the conventional definition of beauty.
3) "Everyone is cheering you on."
"You’ll never feel more insecure about yourself than while you’re pathetically finishing up a workout in last place, hacking up tar and puking up alcohol from last night’s happy hour, as the rest of the class cheers you on.
I remember one specific morning where I yacked up bile outside the gym after a lap around the building, and then ran inside to finish my final round of kipping pull ups. The rest of the class surrounded me, clapping and cheering, urging me on to personal victory. Their enthusiasm caused me to truly hate every single person on earth and everything about myself at the same time."
Ugh.. Totally with you on this one, dude. A community where people support each other,, share enthusiasm for a mutual passion, want each other to perform well, and do their best to encourage others when they are struggling? That's the worst.
You know what I find equally offensive to being cheered on through the end of my WOD?
This puppy sleeping between two fluffy bunny rabbits:
YOU BASTARD!
Completely unacceptable.
4) "You only care about beach muscles."
"If your goal is chiseling out a six-pack and some gnarly biceps to impress bitches at the pool, you’re in the wrong place. These people want to turn you into a fucking monster, not a precisely toned piece of man candy. They’ll have you training to play offensive guard for the New England Patriots, not doing crunches until you look like that Eskimo kid from the Twilight series."
I could comment on the abundance of "precisely toned pieces of man candy" in our local CrossFit community. I could express my condolences for any and all "bitches at the pool" who you are trying to impress, because I can only imagine how your presence could ruin a perfectly good day of sunbathing. But the main thing I took away from this gem of a paragraph is that you are a full-grown man who just referenced a movie about sparkly vampires.
"Developing a sexual relationship at the gym is just weird. You’re in there getting all sweaty, smelling like ass, and breathing like James Gandolfini, working up hormones to convince yourself that your sex drive hasn’t prematurely faded to that of a 65-year-old retiree, and then in the midst of your post-workout high you spit game to the blonde doing abs in the corner? Yeah, that’s not creepy.
I’m guessing the divorce rate for CrossFit couples has to be over ninety percent. Oh, you met in the middle of a WOD when you tripped over each other between stations? That’ll be a cute story for your freakishly muscular offspring.
“Daddy used to creepily stare into the depths of mommy’s ass while she did squats at CF.” "
And for the record... I can't speak for everyone. But this particular CrossFitter does not do voluntary burpees. Ever. Naked or otherwise.
6) "It's not a fun hobby, or something you look forward to."
"Getting off work and knowing that I still had to go to CrossFit was the most miserable feeling I have encountered post grad.
You might be asking, “Why didn’t you switch to morning workouts, you lazy jackass?”
Going to sleep and knowing that I had to wake up and go straight to CrossFit was the second most miserable feeling I have encountered post grad."
Speak for yourself, dude. CrossFit is one of my favorite parts of the day. I look forward to it through all 12 hours of my night shifts. Is it for everyone? No. Do a lot of people enjoy it immensely? Yep. So perhaps you should put a little disclaimer on that statement.
Oh, and for someone who has allegedly written a book, you should know better than to end a sentence with a preposition. BOOM. Busted by the grammar police, clever guy.
7) "The guy who has no chance of ever actually getting in shape."
"He’s overweight, he’s not athletic, and he probably has a drinking problem. It’s admirable that he’s joined CrossFit in an attempt to turn his life around, but everyone there can see it in his eyes. He’s just not cut out for this. Some people have the inner-drive necessary for success, others don’t.
He halfheartedly laughs about how he fell off the wagon again last night and smoked a few cigs after one too many gin-and-tonics at Chili’s. Then he apathetically goes through the motions during the WOD, impressing no one, including himself. Afterwards, he fakes inspired conversation with the coaches and diehards before heading home to jerk off on his living room couch and fall asleep without showering.
You might hate it there, but at least you know you could be giving 110% if you needed to. This guy’s 110% is your 50%. He’s genetically inferior."
This statement pisses me off more than any other nonsense SAFB has unleashed upon us. For three reasons.
1) CrossFit is effing HARD. I don't care how "apathetically" you think someone is going through the motions... just getting through a WOD is pretty badass in and of itself.
2) One of my favorite thing about CrossFit is that I don't have to compare my 100% to anyone else's 100%. I do the best I can to play off of my strengths and improve my weaknesses. That's why all of the WODs can be scaled, modified, etc. to accommodate all levels of fitness and skill. Which is awesome for me, because I'm nowhere near as badass as some of the amazing athletes at TPA, and probably never will be. But I'm a hell of a lot better than I used to be. I choose to focus on that.
3) "Some people have the inner drive necessary for success, others don't." Yep. Exactly. Because that "genetically inferior" guy is still at it. Still trying. Still taking steps to make his life better. And you are the judgmental, elitist tool who is criticizing him from your couch. Tell me about this "inner drive" of yours again...?
8) "Eating Paleo is fucking impossible."
"I’m a skinny guy, and I have a mean pair of chicken legs. I’m talking total lack of calf definition. It’s a genetic trait that I inherited from my father, and it’s never going away. I could do leg workouts with Adrian Peterson, and I would still have limbs like a stork. This is never going to change, and I have made peace with that fact.
However, one of the CrossFit coaches was constantly urging me to drink an entire gallon of milk a day in order to bulk up. Are you fucking high, sir? This is Texas. It’s 110 degrees outside during the dark of winter, but I digress.
Paleo, also known as “the caveman diet,” is impossible to maintain. We live in a country where there is delicious fast food available on every corner. How in the name of God am I supposed to eat like a hunter-gatherer?"
Milk isn't Paleo. Are you fucking high, sir?
Paleo is not, in fact, impossible. I followed a fairly strict Paleo diet for six months, and didn't seem to have a problem surviving without the McDonalds food group.
Speaking of which... check out the research going around about "unidentifiable fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets. I've never found anything like this in my spaghetti squash:
Yummy!
9) "It's dangerous in there."
Most of these people will have zero cartilage left in their body by the age of fifty."
This irks me. Do people get hurt doing CrossFit? Of course. We're asking our bodies to do some pretty extreme things, and sometimes we get injured. Sometimes we have overuse injuries. We are athletes. We do work. And sometimes, we royally eff up our bodies in the process.
But tell me... what sport ISN'T dangerous, in some capacity? How many kids do we read about in the news with traumatic brain injuries from high school football? A lot. I work in an ER. I've seen injuries from pretty much every kind of physical activity imaginable. Running. Biking. Skiing. Baseball. Gymnastics. Dance. Basketball. Wrestling. Lacrosse. Field hockey. I even once had a patient who managed to injure himself in a heated game of ping pong. Injuries happen. Any time you push your body to its limits, you run the risk of hurting it. So why are all of these people raging against the CrossFit machine? How is it any different from any other sport?
You're right. Some of use let our form slip. I am especially guilty of this. Not denying it. We are all accountable for our own performance and our own bodies. The sport is not to blame. We are.
I have been doing CrossFit for well over a year now, and have NEVER felt like I was being pushed too hard, or pressured to do anything I wasn't capable of doing. Do our coaches expect 100% effort? Yes. But they want our 100%. And they are incredibly good at knowing what that is. At knowing where to draw the line. I've suffered my fair share of injuries. I once jacked up my back deadlifting with bad form... less than 5 minutes after my coach had tried to correct it. I got hurt because I didn't listen. I've been wrestling with a shoulder issue for months now... overuse, probably tendonitis. NOT because my coaches push me too hard, but because I use poor judgment in taking rest days and I often get overly-ambitious with my lifts. Both of which my coaches have been trying to get me to change. And, most recently, I injured my wrist trying for a heavy clean that was outside of my strength and skill level. My coaches weren't even there when that happened. I can honestly say that every time I've injured myself at the box, it has been either a result of bad form, bad judgment, or both. And each time, I can say with great confidence, that I wish I had listened to my coaches. My injuries are not a CrossFit problem... they are a common sense problem, and I blame no one but my own stupidity for every single one of them. I'm careless sometimes. There are careless athletes in every sport. CrossFit is no different.
That's no reason to hate the sport.
10) "It is a cult."
"I’m not saying all CrossFitters are sociopathic health nuts whose lives revolve around the prospect of daily self-improvement via unnecessarily intense exercise in a military environment, who have nothing else to live for outside work other than the one hour a day where they become master of their domain by throwing kettlebells around. I’m saying most CrossFitters are sociopathic health nuts whose lives revolve around the prospect of daily self-improvement via unnecessarily intense exercise in a military environment, who have nothing else to live for outside work other than the one hour a day where they become master of their domain by throwing kettlebells around."
Followed by this lovely photo:
Oooooh, where to begin? Shall we start with the irony of the fact that this hyper-critical, foul-mouthed, excessively negative hater just used the word "sociopathic" to describe the most positive group of people I have ever had the pleasure to come across?
Nah. Too easy.
"Health nuts"? Since when does leading a relatively healthy lifestyle and enjoying vigorous exercise qualify one as a "health nut"? I drink more wine than the average family of alcoholics. I think cheese should be its own food group. I am not, by any definition, a "health nut." But the fact is, being healthy feels better than being unhealthy. It allows my body to do the things I enjoy, allows me to do my job better, and hopefully will let me live longer so that I can put the smackdown on ignorant column writers for many years to come.
As for "not having anything to live for"... I declare shenanigans. We all have friends, relationships/marriages, and jobs. Most of my box mates have kids. We all lead pretty full lives. CrossFit is not what I live for. But it sure makes living more fun. And I don't care if you like it or not.
Yes, we get it. You think we're a cult. You think our community and dedication and drive and camaraderie make us freakish and abnormal. Okay. Let's move on. We recognize that CrossFit isn't for everyone. It takes a certain kind of person to do what we do... to want to do it, and to enjoy doing it. If you are not one of those people, that's cool. We're not going to criticize you for not doing something you hate. So don't criticize us for doing what we love.
And finally... that picture. Ugh. The implication that CrossFit is pointless. That, just because there is no ball and no teams and no one keeping score every day, it serves no purpose. Well, guess what, SAFB? If you ever come into my ER in cardiac arrest, you'll be thankful that I'm a "sociopathic health nut"... because when my undisputedly awesome chest compressions are the only things keeping your heart beating, I doubt I'll hear anyone complaining about the sport that allows me to do it so well.
I'm not training to be the best at exercise. I'm training to be the best I can be at life. And when your life is saving other peoples' lives 40 hours a week, you better believe it counts to be good at it.
End rant. :)
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